Absence Revealed

A little over a month ago I made a promise to myself that I would be more conscientious about my blog with the plan of posting at least once a week. Well as it does and will – life stepped in and said “whoa girl,” I’m going to keep you busy and there will be no time for blogging, paper crafting, photography, knitting or any of these things you want to do. We are only going to focus on what you HAVE to do!
It further turns out that none of these were “good” or “fun” things to do. This was life at its best because when you truly live your life you must deal with family issues, sickness and death. In the last thirty days I have found out that my mother has been diagnosed with small cell lung cancer, and while there is currently no cure it can be eradicated. Make sense to you? Not me, really. I understand the explanation offered by her oncologist that while they can get rid of these cells, there is a strong possibility that the cancer can come back in some other location.
The deeply spiritual, but not overly religious part of my being says that with prayer and a lot of positive thinking we can fight this and that is what I have to remind myself of daily.
The story doesn’t get a better here, it just gets more complicated. We receive the diagnosis on a Thursday and that Sunday I receive a call from my Dad saying he’s taking himself to the hospital based on a recurring pain that doctors have not been able to truly diagnose.
Thinking things could not get much worse I go on with the daily tasks in life only to receive a pain filled call from my younger brother that Monday explaining that he is in excruciating pain and needs me to pick up his kids after school, and by the way I’m not going to the doctor I have an important appointment at 1:30 p.m. Briefly I look at the phone with a quizzical “you’ve got to be kidding me face” before telling him to get to the doctor now and deal with the appointment later. He calls later from the doctor’s office with a possible prognosis “meningitis” probably viral and not bacterial. He leaves the Urgent Care offices with a prescription but no relief. The following day he is admitted to the hospital where he will remain for four days.
If you’re keeping up with me I have two in the hospital, one diagnosed with cancer and my sister is out of state on vacation so I’m helping everyone cope. I do have my older brother offering some support along with my husband, but the brunt is on me.
Well we get everyone out of the hospital and begin the first round of chemo for my Mom, numerous tests for my Dad who still doesn’t know the source of his pain and it appears that life will become somewhat normal.
Tragedy, however, is sitting in the slow lane idling her engine waiting to rev her motor and enter with a propulsion of speed usually allowed only on race tracks. While working at one of the last summer festivals I receive a calm, but anxiety laced call from my brother explaining that my great nephew has been in an accident and he’s on his way to see about him. No details, just an accident. I don’t know exactly where he’s going or what Kaelin was doing so my dread is subdued I haven’t panicked or really thought that it would be anything major. Maybe a few stitches, a broken bone something we could fix.
An hour or so later I receive the call that this can’t be fixed, Kaelin’s gone my brother cries, but I don’t want to believe it. He can’t be he’s only eleven! The worst fears of a family were being realized, a cherished member was gone and he had so much life to live.
So today I am trying to regain some normalcy in my life and continue on my journey.

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This entry was posted in Family, Grief, Kaelin. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Absence Revealed

  1. Lori says:

    Hey Shell,I'm just now catching up on your blog. Wow! I had no idea you'd been going through so much. My heart goes out to you. I've been there. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before I'm THERE again (smile). Just know, you're in my prayers today. And as always, my hope for you is Peace & Blessings.

  2. Shellshock says:

    Hey Lori,Thank you for your prayers. Prayer is what keeps me going.

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