My friend Sharon keeps me up to date with the latest interesting tidbits in the New York Times, Washington Post and any number of newspapers throughout the country and today was no different when I opened my email to find a suggestion from the Post, “Marriage is for white people”. It was a hectic day and I didn’t have time to read the piece right then so I printed it and brought it home to read.
What a read! Joy Jones is to be commended for this well researched and well written article which suggests that black folk have just given up on the “…until death do us part.” I, like Jones, grew up during a time when two-parent families were the norm and not until I basically reached adulthood did I begin to notice that a lot of people around me were saying “See ya!” Yet even with many folks getting divorced and many of my friends now having children without the benefit of a husband I still felt that marriage was in my future.
I however, was not rushing and reeling to get to the altar I had a lot of living to do before I would say “I do”. I can’t say I did it all, but I don’t have many regrets about waiting until I was kissing 40 to take that plunge. It was not a quick decision – my husband and I dated and lived together for more than 10 years before making it legal, and ultimately that’s how I looked at it for a number of years. It’s just a piece of paper. We committed to each other years before and I know that the first time he proposed I was not ready and brother wasn’t either.
While I could relate with a lot of what the women and men interviewed said about marriage it was sad to read that so many of us, particularly women are opting not to enter into these unions.